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You're not about to go digging through some guy's toe jam, and frankly, Arnie's macho antics are getting to be a bit much. Frustrated, you whip the heavy boot at the door. It hits the doorknob, and there is a loud metallic snapping sound as the lock breaks and the door springs open. The boot drops onto the floor, and Arnie rolls out of it, locked tooth-and-nail in mortal wrestling combat with some sort of shapeless black toe-jam creature...

But it's tough to pay too much attention to his struggle, because you're surprised to find that the "sorry, we're closed" sign was a ruse. The C.A.T.S. office wasn't really uninhabited after all—a tall-headed woman and a rather dashing, mannikin-bodied rolling head are canoodling like randy teenagers right on the reception desk, stark naked. They look just as startled as you are. Spruceteen stares for a moment in disbelief, then shouts, "What the…Lady Tendersocks?!…You've gotta be shitting in my pants…what in the holy lake trout do ya think you're doing having a thud session with this milkweed?!" His eyes tear up and he shakes with anger as he lets loose an even longer stream of incomprehensible curse words, but you get the basic picture: looks like Spruceteen's wife is having an affair.
  1. This is pretty awkward. Try to occupy yourself by trying on some of the clothes that are scattered on the floor.
  2. This is pretty awkward. Try not to get involved and go check out the C.A.T.S. plaque and the bulletin board instead.
  3. This is pretty awkward. Try to ignore all of this and go investigate the safe.
by Matt Coors